I'm an emo kid, non-conforming as can be...

"Always look on the bright side..."

2009-12-20T07:21:15Z

I mean, it's terrible, but it's true. And hilarious. I was actually looking for the suicide flowchart they use at my friend's volunteer location (out of curiosity--I mean, a flowchart to talk people out of suicide is probably a good idea and very helpful, but also a little funny in my mind) and this was the first result. I don't even care to search anymore, this is so good.

livepoetically @ 2009-11-19T01:39:00

2009-11-19T06:40:01Z

I just Mystery Googled something, and forgot what it was, because this came up as what the last person Googled: "giving strangers on the internet your phone number gives you 50 stupid points, and stalkers"

New favorite website.

Q&A with etched_scars

2009-11-17T08:57:18Z

Leave me a comment with a lyric from the song you're currently listening to (or your favorite song).

• I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can satisfy my curiosity
• Update your journal with the answers to the questions
• Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions

...

etched_scars:

1. You had mixed feelings about going on your mission with Dan, are you happy with how it
all worked out?
2. Who is someone(past or current) that has made a large impact on you?
3. What are you are most proud of?
4. When you're feeling blue is there a certain song that lifts you up?
5. If you want children, how many would you like to have?

My responses:

1. Yes. Guatemala was a really emotional trip for me, but in the end I decided the good outweighed the bad. And it was very, VERY positive for our relationship, because I get it now.

2. Dan, obviously, but also my friend Emily, and my friend Brian from Cedar Point. Dan taught me that I'm good enough without making an effort to be, Emily taught me to think for myself and be open to others doing the same, and Brian taught me to enjoy my own company and appreciate silence.

3. I'm probably most proud of my writing, although my grades and my music are a close second tie.

4. "Forever", by Chris Brown, "No Surprises" by Radiohead, "Peace Be Upon Us" by Sheryl Crow, and "Seven Day Mile" by...I'm not sure. Depending on what kind of blue I am feeling, these all make me look on the bright side.

5. One or two

EDIT: Just looked up official lyrics for "No Surprises". It's actually a really depressing song. It makes me feel better about things sometimes, though. Odd.

livepoetically @ 2009-11-17T01:24:00

2009-11-17T06:24:33Z

Diversity assignment: done.

Now I just have to pick a topic for my disease report. I hate picking topics, but at least there's a list to choose from...it has to be a urinary or kidney disease.

Sweet.

In other news, I invited myself along on Friday's road trip. I mean, unless Laura objects, then I won't go. But assuming she doesn't, I'm really excited! I've been itching to go on even a small road trip like this for about a month now. It's my last free weekend before I start work again and the timing is perfect--I have to be back Saturday for Dan's birthday, and Emily wants to be back Saturday afternoon. And I've wanted to see Laura's apartment for some time now, but haven't had the opportunity.

So I'm quite looking forward to this weekend.

...

I'm losing interest in WoW lately, which is bad because I recently bought a new prepaid game card. I feel like I'm not getting my money's worth, but I can't bring myself to play much the last few days. Farmville has taken over, which is ridiculous. I know. I just can't help it.

Also: I'm sorry to say that Bowling Green is not just a place you can go to get a college degree, but a place where no one knows which pedal to use at a green light. /grumble

EDIT: It's probably obvious by now, but I like my school a lot. My teachers are awesome, and I love that I only have two of them, and the same ones for the entire 30-week program. I'm looking forward to an awesome job and being able to be an adult according to a poster on sixwordstories (a community)'s lj: "Adults are just kids with money."

I've been thinking about what it means to be an adult lately and not been able to come to a definite conclusion, except that whatever an adult is, I'm pretty sure I'll never feel like one. But I think this guy's onto something. Maybe I should just stop worrying about it and BE A KID WITH MONEY.

I like that idea.

Reasons Why Today Is Better

2009-11-13T18:14:52Z

-I found my amethyst necklace--the only piece of jewelry Dan has ever given me (at my request; I don't want him to spend a lot of money on me), after almost a year of not being able to find it or remember what I did with it. I am so relieved. I mean, I knew it must be SOMEWHERE in my room, but after Emily and I cleaned it I was beginning to panic when it didn't turn up then that I must have accidentally thrown it away or something while cleaning. I woke up, remembered that I found it last night, and was instantly in a good mood.

-My rice is nearly grown in Farmville, and I desperately need new coins. It's the little things, guys. I'm very poor; I rely on the internets for entertainment.

-If my partner last night in class and I were right, and the scale in class is 5 pounds off (greater than reality), I have lost two pounds.

-I got top honors and perfect attendance again this module in school, and I was almost positive I didn't do as well this time around. Actually, I did better. I averaged 96.44% versus 95.something% last mod.

-I am nearly finished copying out my translated-to-Spanish letters for the girls in Guatemala that I promised to write.

Dan doesn't know I found my necklace yet. Time to surprise him!!!

livepoetically @ 2009-11-12T15:29:00

2009-11-12T20:29:41Z

Adventures in Personal Fundraising, or How to Waste Gas and Feel Stupid, by Julie McDonald

Yesterday, I packed up all the clothes Shitty Roommate #2 left behind for me to deal with, and drove to Plato's closet. Or at least, the empty building that once WAS Plato's closet. Realizing it must have closed, I drove to the next nearest location they knew about, which wasn't actually nearby at all, but I was not about to give up so easily. I cannot afford a watch battery for my watch to help me take vital signs at school. It's really bad.

That location was also closed. I called Dan at this point, and asked him if he could Google the place and tell me where the next nearest location is. He read an address to me that was in the same town I started in, but a different shopping center. I found it, and waiting 45 minutes for them to tell me that the stuff was "old label" (?) "outdated styles" (WTF? How does a plain black skirt or a pair of khaki pants go out of style?), etc. They didn't buy even one thing. At this point, it became a matter of principle.

So I went back today with a bunch of my own clothes, clothes that were brands I saw in the store and in AS GOOD or better condition, thinking, try to reject this stuff, suckas. I'm going to get at least $20 for the whole basketfull.

Wrong. They did reject it. They took one shirt and one pair of shoes. Both brand new, never been worn. They said the reason this time was, again, old labels and "worn" clothing.

IT IS NO MORE WORN THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN YOUR STORE, I said. They said, it looks worn.

It does not. Again, not anymore than anything else. If all they're going to take is brand name, brand new stuff, what the hell is the point? If I was going to spend $100 on Express or Abercrombie or American Eagle jeans, I sure as hell would not be turning around and re-selling them, brand new, to Plato's Closet. Why would anyone do that?!

I used to work for a Goodwill in a rather uppity neighborhood. I have high standards for used clothing, myself. I was taught to have high standards. My clothes I took in today are:

-No more than three years old
-Not faded
-Not pilled (sweaters)
-Not torn, ripped, or stained (SHOW me the stains, you snotty store clerk)
-Still in style (especially the basics....how do plain colored camis, short sleeved shirts, or long sleeved shirts go out of style?),
and most importantly, they are cute clothes. I get compliments on my style all the time. I have good taste. I have high standards for fashion and quality.

After all of this, I made $3.80. For one pair of shoes and a shirt that I have never worn.

My mom heard this story and slipped me $20. I took it, because I need it, but I so hate doing that! She doesn't have it to spare anymore than I do. I wish I could start working already.

Also

2009-11-06T13:54:15Z

Today, Google is featuring Bert and Ernie, zomg! They were always two of my favorites! I even still have my rubber ducky.

Public Service Announcement

2009-11-06T13:11:26Z

As most of you are probably aware by now, I have no blower in my car. That is to say: I have heat, but it's worthless unless I take turns holding my hands up against the vents. The lack of defrost is panic inducing. A few nights ago, I was driving and realized that it had fogged up so much that I couldn't see ANYTHING. I had to turn back. So hopefully today, I am getting this fixed, unless it costs like $600 or something, in which case the following charitable organization will be forming:

Take Julie To School, Get A Treat!

This heartwarming organization exists to sponsor a newly unemployed, poor vocational school student looking to better herself but getting screwed at every turn. Take Julie to school one, two, three, or four days a week (school is 5:30PM-10:00PM, but her classes usually let out earlier than that, especially on Mondays and Wednesdays), and she will make or buy you a treat! It could be a homemade brownie, a Frosty, a dessert, a shake, or a gallon of gas. It could be stickers. It could be candy. It could even be a bracelet made out of pop tabs. The possibilities are endless!

And if I actually get a job (which is looking more optimistic after a recent conversation with a former employer), you will also have the opportunity to participate in a subcategory of Take Julie To School, Get A Treat! called Take Julie To Work, Get A Treat!

I mean, hopefully, none of this will be necessary, but you never know. Even if it doesn't happen this time, Frank's been getting more and more fed up with me, as well as Ohio weather, and it looks like it's going to be another hard winter. So I figure it's probably best to keep my options open.

...

On another note, I am so done with this unemployment business. I have filled out form after form of additional information, not sure if I'm doing it right and having no number to call (at least not one that will NOT hang up on me...), that if it's not done right by now, it never will be.

Also: back on teh pillz, and with each test this past week, my grades steadily increased. Am feeling mostly normal again. I mean, relatively speaking.

I miss me a Sara

2009-10-22T06:07:27Z

Sara had fall break last week, and do you think we took advantage of this and hung out? NOOOOOOOO. Because she is a meanie and doesn't return my phone calls. Just kidding, Sara! But srsly, let's hang out soon, okay?

School update: The school agreed to finance me for the larger amount. So I'm safe. WHEW. Also, I took two tests, one day after another, and got a 92% on one and a 98% on the other. Just felt the need to toot my horn for a minute...I haven't been a straight A student since the third grade. It's exciting.

Totally unrelated:

There is currently an ad on the side of my lj posting window for "cartoonifying" oneself (for FREE!), and the example shown is frightening. The girl pictured actually looks better as a cartoon. It's not right.

I think I may be dyeing my hair red again soon. If I do, I will definitely post pictures. I can't decide yet if I want to cut my hair prior to dyeing it, or put Emily or Sara through hell trying to help me not miss any spots. I'm leaning toward the second. I'm lucky I have really good friends.

Actual conversations this morning at work:

2009-10-19T05:47:21Z

[Manager]: "_________ (last night's manager) is fired."

[Me]: "...why, exactly?"

[Manager]: "I gave her specific instructions to burn this place down after I left last night and IT IS STILL STANDING."

...

I had to add a page to my MOD report, there were so many complaints and rude people and so much neverending stress. I nearly quit, halfway though my shift. Honestly, I think the only thing that kept me there is the fact that I was robbed, and I need the money even more desperately than I did before.

Speaking of which, the police did get in contact with the person I suspect did it. They suspected her as well, but of course she denied it, and it was cash, so that's the end of that.

I am still glad I tried, though. I don't feel entirely powerless.

Later in the morning:

[Manager]: "The group leader that checked in last night said you were very helpful, and that he was impressed that when 150 people walked into the lobby, you remained calm. I am too, actually."

[Me]: "It wasn't that I remained calm so much as....lost touch with reality."

[Manager]: "...I see."

[Me]: "Is it can be clockout tiem now pleez?"

livepoetically @ 2009-10-14T04:27:00

2009-10-14T08:28:44Z

I told a friend today...."I think it was a God-thing."

I surprised myself with that statement, because I meant it. I was talking about the way things worked out for me at school in the beginning--something I was really afraid to do that is an important part of my training ended up being the first thing we did. I freaked out but there wasn't any time to rethink the decision and so I just did it, and I succeeded. First in my class to complete my proficiencies, actually, if I may toot my own horn for a second! :)

Anyway, he surprised me, as well. We had spoken a little while ago (like maybe a month or so ago), and agreed that we should catch up. I think I suggested it, actually. We made plans for the following week but then school got really hectic and I got really tired, and so I cancelled, though I didn't want to.

But he surprised me tonight by saying "I haven't forgotten that we need to catch up." with that contagious smile of his.

I guess I just assumed he no longer cared one way or the other, but after this evening's encounter, I feel convinced that it does matter to him that we stay in contact, stay warm towards one another. I'm really glad. It's nice to know you matter to someone who matters to you.

livepoetically @ 2009-09-29T12:50:00

2009-09-29T16:55:21Z

Wow, I waste a lot of time on the internet. Just spent an hour here and accomplished...nothing.

In other news, 100% on last night's med terms test. I am pleased. I was worried for a couple of days that I was slipping (two B's in a row), but now I feel like I'm back!

It's not that I'm a perfectionist, but if I aim for perfect I usually land in the "still pretty good" range, so I plan to keep aiming for it. I don't want mediocre grades, performance and attendance to become acceptable in my mind. It all matters in the hiring process later.

PS, my body still hurts from this past weekend's Housekeeping Extravaganza. I sort of want to just go back to bed.

A few words that were read to us on our last day in Guatemala:

2009-09-10T08:22:31Z

"I have asked myself often during this journey: “How do I explain this back home?” … the poverty, growing despair, daily living conditions, the foundation of faith, singing and praising God with abandon, their generosity and their desire to journey in faith.

The focus of this trip, as I experienced it, was not about financial support; it was about being brothers and sisters, journeying together in faith. Probably the most important things we brought with us were hope and ourselves.

To people struggling against increasing odds and feeing rather forgotten, we were there in their homes, at their table, sitting among them at Church, and sharing the stories of all our lives. I am in awe of all that I have seen and heard and felt these past few days.

Returning, I pray that I communicate clearly the events of these days that have transformed my heart, my life."

Amen.

How the Gov't Makes Financial Decisions

2009-08-18T22:57:57Z

My favorite 'texts from last night':

2009-08-18T10:23:17Z

(734): I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
(231): the cocktail of hope

/facepalm

2009-08-12T21:06:01Z

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/240632/august-03-2009/nailed--em---war-on-birth-control

True story

2009-08-06T06:44:55Z

Emily: "I'm really glad you drove. I took a sleeping pill about an hour ago, and it's starting to hit me."

Me: *panicface*

Emily: "Hahahaha, your face just now was GREAT!"

Me: (recovering) "I am driving us to every single function we ever go to together for the rest of our lives."

livepoetically @ 2009-07-15T19:57:00

2009-07-15T23:58:26Z

Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny's

It's funny every time

2009-07-05T00:49:49Z

Writer's Block: You're a Winner!

2009-06-14T18:21:10Z

Have you ever won a contest, drawing, or lottery? What was the prize?

View 502 Answers

Every Friday for five years (my whole elementary school experience), my mom let me buy my lunch so I could have a shot at winning Lucky Tray Day. One lunch tray every Friday had a sticker on the bottom of it, and if you got it, you got a prize. I finally won in the fifth grade; a pencil (a pencil, when it seemed like every other winner in the past had gotten better prizes, although to be fair the prizes had steadily declined in coolness over the past year), which broke immediately upon first use.

Thus I learned the important life lesson that the things you want are never as great once you get them. (Also, that the school system builds up your hopes and dreams of "being whatever you want to be" for twelve years despite the fact that five years later, you're going to find yourself working a minimum waged job wondering how the hell the universe ever interpreted your dreams of being a rock star as really meaning you wanted to wait on rude people, helping them pick out clothes or spending a total of twenty minutes helping some idiot that can't read signs figure out how to get to and back from a Steak and Shake from the hotel.)

And twice, Sarah B and I went to pick up Antar from his job at Kroger and bought a two-dollar lottery ticket from the machine while we waited for him to finish up his shift. Both times, we won four bucks, which meant each of us walked away with a dollar profit.

...

In other news, I have accumulated over seven hundred eggs in time for the Guatemala trip, without paying a dime for any of them.

It has been declared (not by me) that God has willed that I go on this trip, and that is why I'm going. I resent the fact that God gets the credit when it was the people of the church's generosity and cooperation with the fund raisers that are actually enabling me to go. Not that God has no influence over people's hearts, because He certainly does, but...I don't know. It just seems like there are a lot of people out there who don't understand that the way things work out is very much a cause-and-effect thing, and most of the causes are the result of the choices of HUMANS.

I mean, if you pray to God that you don't get whooping cough, and then you go get T-DAP (tetnaus, diptheria, and whooping cough innoculations), and then you never do develop whooping cough...it was most likely because you got T-DAP, not divine intervention. Give God credit where credit is due; He obviously allowed us to discover the preventative power of vaccinations and how to produce such vaccinations, but is it a miracle each and every time someone doesn't get sick because of one? No. I don't think so. It irritates me when people chalk so much of their lives (and mine) up to God's Will. What would have been the point of giving us free will if all we have to do is sit back and wait for God to make all our choices (read: do all our work) for us? ...just sayin'.

In some ways, I'm very excited to go but in others, I'm worried about how I'm going to do emotionally and mentally (and even spiritually) with a generally accepted attitude of God Controls Every Single Tiny Little Aspect Of Our Lives surrounding me. It may work for others, but it doesn't work for me, and I'm going to have a hard time biting my tongue if comments indicating such a belief continue to be directed at me. I don't want to be a bad team member or anything, but at the same time, I've never been one to remain silent when something so contrary to what I believe is true is forced on me.

I wish I could just go down there and help people and not have to worry about it. I believe it's God's will for us to help one another, but I don't think it much matters where or how we do so. I think that part is up to us, and God will help us in whatever we decide to do for our brothers and sisters, but I don't think he necessarily appoints each individual person to a specific post.

It just irritates me, that's all. /end rant

Yesterday I drove to Emily's and we ended up group napping later in the afternoon. It was like having a sleepover. It reminded me of a few weeks ago when we bought a kite and flew it and then played on the playground. I'm really glad that despite the fact we're both grown-ups now, and she's even married, that we can still share such childlike pastimes. It makes me feel more lighthearted and less weary of everything difficult in my life, and I need that.

I think I'll go take a nap now. I'm still catching up from yesterday.

A story of fail AND win

2009-06-03T00:56:54Z

Friday night, I went to back out of my parking space, only to put my car in drive and have it....do nothing.

The car was still running. No strange noises. Just...nothing. No movement.

I tried shifting back into reverse, and the car lurched as it does when it intends to go as soon as I release the brakes, but when I put it back into drive, nothing. Same thing with every other gear I have.

In the meantime, eight cars have stacked up behind me, the one directly behind me is honking, and I can't move...well, except backwards, which does me a whole lot of good...

I get out of my car and walk to the guy behind me and go "I'm sorry, I can't move."

He offered to help push me out of the way of traffic, and I thankfully accepted. About this time, a taxi driver gets out of his taxi to yell at me: "Hey, girl, you want a job? Why don't you drive this taxi?"

...I thought about flipping him off and decided I had enough to worry about without risking my personal safety over some asshole's rage over something that wasn't even my fault. And I hope that he felt real bad when he saw the guy behind me get out to give me a push.

Out of nowhere, a few other people just appeared to help the first guy push. They were running and laughing as they got my car moving faster and faster, finally pushing it around the corner into a no-parking zone, safely out of the way.

As quickly as they appeared, they disappeared and only one guy, named Aaron, was left. He was really nice and pointed out that I was leaking fluid, so maybe it was just a fluid leak.

I prayed real hard that it was, but of course it wasn't. The saddest sight of all was watching my poor car hauled up backwards and helpless onto a flatbed and driven away. The tow truck guy was really nice, and gave me a ride to work. Thank God for Denise, who recommended this guy (and made me laugh at the situation by saying "why don't you just drive here backwards?"). He's been honest and kind to me every step of the way.

My car needs a new transmission. It's getting a used one from another Taurus with 80,000 miles on it, compliments of...my father?

What a guy.

I had no idea he would offer to pay. I had no hope. They told me the transmission was gone and it would cost $1,000 to fix, and I immediately began sobbing, "...I don't have $1,000...I don't know what I'm going to do. I'll have to talk to my dad and call you back", then hung up and sobbed some more before calling my dad to pass the news along, and then calling Dan to have a moment of silence in honor of Frank's memory.

I've decided that the appearance of my car no longer matters (within reason. I draw the line at giving in and removing the piece of paneling that would reveal the inner workings of my driver's side door and leave it one layer of metal away from being a HOLE).

So, I'm going to invest in some bumper stickers. Mom's disapproval be damned, Frank is going to spend his last days, (or hopefully, years) in style.

First order of business: a "Hello, My Name Is" tag, so that his name is visible.

Then, a sticker that says "I bet Jesus would've used his turn signals."

After that, who knows. I'll see what else I can come up with.

I wasn't sure I believed in the sentiment "what goes around, comes around"...but I think maybe now, I do. Maybe being a good person (or at least trying) really does pay off in other ways besides the personal satisfaction of having helped one's fellow wo/man.

More updates to follow, when I am not so tired.

Third shift: let's talk about it

2009-05-27T10:34:58Z

The only good way to switch my sleep schedule around, I've found, is to just not sleep for 24 hours so I'll be tired enough at night to sleep at night and get up in the morning. This happens about once a week, on my days off.

It works pretty well, except for the part where I don't sleep for 24 hours.

I can already feel the sleep deprivation building up inside my brain, to the tune of constant tiredness, but an inability to actually sleep for more than four hours at a time.

Tonight, I work midnight to eight, and I woke up this morning at five.

I just want to sleep forever. Srsly. But I can't. Because I'm too used to not getting enough.

On the bright side, Emily and Rob are successfully moved back, and I got to see Dan yesterday.

I guess the main point of this update was just to let everyone know I'm still alive. There's wireless where I live, but it's so slow it's not even worth it, so I never check anything anymore.

Call me sometime, guys, so we can hang out. I'm all for road trips!

Special Offer--Limited Time Only!!!

2009-05-06T18:38:56Z

Hey, kids!

Have you ever...

-Longed to go shopping for Easter eggs a month after Easter?

-Dreamed of store clerks giving you dirty looks because they think you're nuts when you ask if they have any?

-Yearned to get your hopes up only to fail, again and again?

Well, do I HAVE A DEAL FOR YOU!!!

The Guatemala mission trip's theme this year is Easter, and unfortunately, we didn't decide to do an Easter egg hunt until after the holiday. There are seventy girls between the two orphanages, and we would like each girl to be able to hunt for ten eggs, which is seven hundred eggs. So far, we need 450 more. So if you would look around your homes for some leftover Easter eggs (preferrably the kind that open), and let me know if you have any that you would be willing to donate, I would greatly appreciate it.

I can send you my address on Facebook or Myspace, whatever would be more convenient for you if you do have some that you would like to contribute. Or, you can do my first idea and feel like an idiot. What evs.

Thanks!

livepoetically @ 2009-05-01T23:14:00

2009-05-02T03:23:20Z

So, I wrote out this THREE PAGE letter "To Whom It May Concern", all filled with my ideas on how to cut costs and increase revenue in the symphony so we can afford to keep on existing, and turned it in to the conductor. Unfortunately, most of my ideas are only things non-profits can do, and my mom just pointed out to me that maybe...we're not. I looked on the website, and we're listed as a 501(c)3. I looked on Wikipedia, and I have no idea what we are now.

/suggestion box fail

...

I mean, at least I've pretty much nailed that one section of Les Preludes that I was having trouble with before. I can keep up now.

Still. I feel so dumb right now, I can't even tell you.

My mom attempted to comfort me:

"Well, your enthusiasm just caused you to get carried away, that's all. You're young, you care about this, and you're full of ideas. And that's what they need."

I sure hope so. Otherwise, I think I'm just going to avoid eye contact with anybody on the symphony board for...ever.

Another fail, to make me feel better about mine and hopefully give you all a laugh...

see more pwn and owned pictures

livepoetically @ 2009-04-19T00:52:00

2009-04-19T04:57:00Z

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

My house is somewhat clean. It has been for a week now, but I forgot to update about it. My carpet: let me show you it! No seriously, let's make plans, guys, because I can have company now!

I'm currently at Emily's. So far we've made marks on graph paper (and we don't want to talk about it), and played a liberal version of Bananagrams. I'm going to regret this in the morning, since I have to be at Dan's church before 9AM, but it's so worth it.